Welcome Back!

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, 

This blog was started a little over a year ago by my dear friend, Colleen. Since then, she has found a wonderful man and graduated from our lovely singles ward. Because I have yet to be so lucky, I have decided to continue on with this blog. (We singles need to stick together and help each other out!) As always, it will be focused on dating ideas, advice from the ladies to the gentlemen, and vice versa. I hope you find this informative, yet entertaining. Let’s face it- we all have some pretty good dating stories.

Please feel free to submit dating advice or dating suggestions to dearladiesandgentlemen@gmail.com (All suggestions and advice will remain anonymous.)

Love, 

Jess

Round 8

Dear Ladies, 

At least for the first few dates, try to be your most lady-like self. Burping, farting, gross jokes, etc. should be left at home. We don't want to feel like we're on a date with a man trapped in a lady's body.

Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,

The secret to finding the girl of your dreams is to get to know many of them and then, when you fall in love and it feels right, ask her to marry you. If she says no, you continue to search and to pray until finally you will arrive with that young woman at the altar of the temple. Just don't give up...Don't suppose that certain girls would never go out with you. Sometimes they are wondering why no one asks them out. Just ask, and be prepared to move on if the answer is no.

Love, President Uchtdorf (The Reflection in the Water, Nov 2009)

Dear Ladies, 

Be Gentle. It's all right if you turn down requests for dates or proposals for marriage. But please do it gently.

Love, President Uchtdorf (The Reflection in the Water, Nov 2009)

Take a Break

Today my post will be a little different. Instead of the typical letters between ladies and gentlemen, I'm writing to all of you (and me)-- from me. This has been something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I hope I don't offend anyone by writing it.

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today I wish to talk about cell phones.

My cell phone is possibly the greatest thing ever. It keeps me in touch with family who lives far away (I just Facetimed with my sister who is in Argentina). The GPS on my phone helped me maneuver through the streets in Northern California just last month. The fact that I can send a text message to everyone in my family, at the same time, and we can all see each other's responses, amazes me. And I, like most girls, have an addiction to Pinterest, which is readily available at the touch of a finger.
Yes, I love cell phones. But I also hate them.

I hate them because too many people hide behind them.
It is true that it is easier to ask someone out through a text because there is less interaction, the person won't see or hear your disappointment if they say no. And they won't see or hear if you are "too" excited that they said yes. You are safe. but why shouldn't they know you are disappointed or excited? Why is it so bad to let someone know "Hey, I kinda think you are awesome and I would like to get to know you better". I mean aren't you flattered when someone shows interest in you? Stop hiding! Be bold! People are more likely to say yes if you ask in person or call anyway....

I hate them because they disconnect you
I know what you're thinking, "How can you possibly think I'm disconnected when I've got Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and my messages open at the same time? I'm connected with everyone!" And you're right, you are connected with everyone, but how much are you actually investing in these people? And are you taking the time to get to know someone knew at the ward activity, or your friend's game night? Or are you just trying to stay connected to the 1283 Facebook friends you have?

My friend Lindsey* spent her first semester of college at BYU-Idaho, and she hated it. She complained that she barely made any new friends and there was no one to date. One day, when people from her ward were at her apartment she mentioned how she wasn't making a lot of friends like she expected to in college, and one of the guys there said "Well Lindsey, you sit here on your phone the whole time people are at your apartment, do you ever try to make friends?" From that day forward she made an attempt to meet new people, and she started loving college. And I'll have you know, she ended up meeting someone and they have been happily married for 1 1/2 years.

I hate them because people use them to "bond"
Every day at work my coworkers and I sit down and eat lunch together, and then we all pull our phones out and the conversations soon go like this:

"Look at this cute skirt I'm going to make. I found it on Pinterest!"
"Did you see what Jacob posted on Facebook? Can you believe it?"
"I saw the funniest YouTube video yesterday, you all have to watch this!"

Yes, we are bonding. But the bonding is kind of superficial. And I get that we are just coworkers so we don't need to be on a super personal level (although sometimes we are), but I see this happen at church activities, and when everyone is hanging out at a friends house. This isn't really a way to meet and truly get to know people that you could potentially date.

Now with all that being said, I have to say There is nothing wrong with Facebook, Pinterest, and YouTube, but I think we could all benefit from using them a little less in our lives. Especially me. So this week I would like to issue a challenge. When you are in a place to socialize keep your phone in your pocket or purse. Try to talk to people without using your phone. See how many new people you can meet this week. Or how many new things you can learn about someone you already know.

Love,
Colleen

Round 7

Dear Gentlemen,
There is a reason things like this.....

...are cliché. We ladies love gestures like this.

Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
Don't expect relationships to be like a chick flick all the time. Those guys have a script that they have spent months memorizing, we do not. However we are original and will try to create chick flick moments for you.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,
"There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command -- Such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing and they can mean everything to the one who receives them."
Love, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (How Do I Love Thee?, February 2000)

Round 6

Dear Ladies, 
Please don't compare us with "The List" you made in a young women's class. We aren't going to be EVERYTHING on the list, but that doesn't make us bad guys.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
We like when you hold our coat/jacket for us to help us put it on. you don't have to do it ALL the time, but its a really sweet gesture.
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
"...I would caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn't worth it and you can do just as well on your own...This is not right. Certainly we want our single sisters to maximize their individual potential, to be well educated, and to do well at their present employment. You have much to contribute to society, to your community, and to your neighborhood. But we earnestly pray that our single sisters will desire honorable marriage in the temple to a worthy man and rear a righteous family, even though this may mean the sacrificing of degrees and careers. Our priorities are right when we realize there is no higher calling than to be an honorable wife and mother."
Love, President Ezra Taft Benson (To The Single Adult Sisters of The Church, October 1988)

Dear Gentlemen,
You don't need to feel nervous about a date, we already said "yes". Just relax and have fun and everything will be OK.
Love, The Ladies

Round 5

Dear Ladies,
Try to have opinions about things, don't just agree with us and pretend to be into the same things we are. Eventually we'll find out that you aren't, and we feel like you lied to us. It's ok to like different things than we do.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
If you say "We should go on a date sometime", and we say "that sounds great!".... you should follow up with a date.
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
Be open to a date idea, even if you don't think it sounds fun at first. Anything can be fun with the right people, and the right attitude. Plus if you give off vibes that you aren't into the activity you come off as rude.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
When you have a certain skill like playing guitar, cooking, any sports, playing chess, computer programming, Jedi powers, constructing the perfect s'more, etc. and a girl tells you she would "looove to learn how to do (insert skill here) so well"... That is the golden opportunity for you to ask her on a date. Just simply say "I can teach you, what are you doing next (insert available day here)"
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
A smile goes a long way. Nothing crushes courage more than when we smile at you and get nothing back-- or worse when you give us a death glare.
Love, The Gentlemen

Round 4

Dear Gentlemen,
"I realize that some of you brethren may have genuine fears regarding the real responsibilities that will be yours if you do marry. You are concerned with being able to support a wife and family and provide them with the necessities in these uncertain economic times. Those fears must be replaced with faith. I assure you, brethren, that if you will be industrious, faithfully pay your tithes and offerings, and conscientiously keep the commandments, the Lord will sustain you."
Love, President Ezra Taft Benson (To The Single Adult Brethren of The Church, April 1988)

Dear Ladies,
Even if you don't like sports, it is a good idea to know a little bit about them. Because a lot of gentlemen love sports, and its a good way to initiate a conversation with them. You don't need to know team names and athletes but here are a few basics:

1. The World Series - the Championship of Major League Baseball (MLB) the winner is determined by winning 4 of 7 games.
2. The Super Bowl - the championship of Football (NFL). The game is usually scheduled the first week of February every year. 
3. The World Cup - the championship for international Soccer teams, it is held every 4 years. The next one will be in Brazil in 2014. There are 32 teams that compete for the World Cup.
4. The NBA Finals - The championship series for the National Basketball Association (NBA) the winner is determined by the best of 7 games. the first 2 are played at the home court of the team with the better record. the next 3 are at the other teams court. and the final 2 (if needed) are at the first teams court again. This is for Pro Basketball teams.
5. The Stanley Cup - The Championship for Hockey.  The winner is picked from a best of 7 series of games.
6. For college sports go here.

Love, The Gentlemen

P.S. It may also be a good idea to know who the final two teams in the championships are.

Dear Gentlemen, 

When one of your buddies brings a girl to a mission reunion, or a BBQ, or some kind of social gathering... you should do your best to include her in the conversation. You can really mess it up for your friend if the lady feels like her date's friends don't like her. 

Love, the Ladies

Dear Ladies, 

One of the best ways to let a us know you are interested in a second date is the "After Date Text". Just send us a text saying you had a lot of fun or you really enjoyed our company and you would be interested in going out again sometime.

Love, The Gentlemen

Round 3

Dear Gentlemen,
There is a quote we ladies often hear that goes something like this: "The guy who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, is not a nice guy". More often than not this is true. Be a nice guy. Be nice to the people who are waiting on you, be nice to the store clerk, be nice to the people who can do nothing for you. It goes a long way, trust us.
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
We appreciate hearing "Thank you" at the end of a date. After all, we did just give up a night with the boys, and shaved(probably), and spent money (possibly). Even if you had a horrible time, "Thank you" is a nice gesture.
Love, The Gentlemen


Dear Gentlemen,

Watching a movie or Netflix is not the best idea for first, second, or third dates. We're not an old married couple (no offense to the married couples reading this). We can't really get to know each other during a movie, and we assume that you aren't looking to get to know us, but rather just a hook up... 

Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
When gentlemen open the door for you, they are not trying to belittle you or demean you. They are simply trying to bring back chivalry (which we all claim to be "dead"). So please, say 'thank you' so they will keep opening them for the rest of us who love it! Thanks.
Love, The Other Ladies

See how happy they both look? :)

Dear Gentlemen,
We appreciate sincere compliments. We know when you are saying things just to say them. So Thank you for the sincere ones. :)
Love, The Ladies

P.S. my friend Sam has written great instructions on paying compliments, if you feel like you don't know how He can teach you here. - Love, Colleen

Round 2

Dear Ladies,

"Resist too much hanging out... Don't make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don't subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is okay, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door."
Love, Elder Dallin H. Oaks (The Dedication of a Lifetime May 1, 2005)
P.S. "You should also hang out a sign 'Will open for individual dates.' "

Dear Gentlemen,

If you are no longer interested in a girl, let her know. Don't just ignore her texts and calls. Don't just drop off the face of the planet. It's not very nice. Be a man and let her know. Besides we ladies talk and you will get a bad reputation, and you don't want that.

Love, The Ladies


Dear Ladies,
Give us the benefit of the doubt and say "yes" to a first date... It's just a date not a marriage proposal. And you never know what things we could have in common.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
Please let us know what kind of shoes/attire to wear on the date. As you know, we have a large selection to choose from and we don't want to hike to the "Y" in flip flops...
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies, 

Don't be afraid to take a step and call us. you won't come across as desperate. Don't say 'Call me if you want to.' If you want to get a call say 'I'll call you' or Call me, please.'

Love, The Gentlemen

Was anyone else singing "Here's my number, so call me maybe?" ... well you are now.

Round 1

Dear Gentlemen,
It is not appropriate to honk your horn as a signal to your date that you have arrived and she should come out.
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
Don't go on the date with the guy who honks his horn, wait for the real gentleman who comes to your door. Yes, we do exist.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
When you are invited to someone's house for dinner, offer to help clean up by asking the host/hostess "what can I do to help?" Sometimes the answer is "nothing" and that's fine but at least offer. We notice.
Love, The Ladies
P.S. Don't just offer to help the girl you are trying to impress help everyone, it makes a difference.

Dear Ladies,
Please be ready on time. We're nervous enough as it is, we don't want to wait in the front room for 30 minutes making awkward small talk with your roommates while they judge us. Plus, we put effort into planning a date, please give us the courtesy of being ready on time.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Gentlemen,
It is creepy to hit on the 18 year old girl just because she is legal now, if you feel you must pry on the young and inexperienced, you may need to re-evaluate why no ladies your own age will go out with you.
Love, The Ladies

Dear Ladies,
If you like a guy and he's asked you out, show it. We understand playing hard-to-get, but the cloak and dagger bit is a little wearying.
Love, The Gentlemen

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

A few weeks ago my singles ward had a combined EQ/RS lesson on dating. Now, normally when we do a combined lesson its for the last hour of church, but this time we ended Sunday School early to make time for the HOUR AND A HALF long lesson. On dating. In a singles ward. Clearly we want to get married, if for any reason so our roommates will stop setting us up on blind dates with the people they didn't want to date (I mean if the person is so amazing why isn't our roommate pursuing them, right?) You are probably all laughing because you relate all too well--or because you luckily found someone to marry and you are living happily ever after and avoiding the aforementioned "dating lessons"... Props to you. But for the rest of us who have yet to find "the one" I have decided to create this blog to share advice from the ladies to the gentlemen, and vice versa. So I hope you all enjoy it, and use some of the advice in your dating endeavors. And please feel free to email me at colleen.barry@me.com with suggestions on posts (they will remain anonymous, so have no fear!)

Love,
Colleen

P.S. These are meant to be informative and humorous, I hope no one takes offense to any. If you do feel free to email me.